Law-Abiding Citizen Keeps Herself On Track With Weekly Cheat Day

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NEW YORK—Saying that sometimes she just needs a little break from her daily regimen, law-abiding citizen Karen Garver told reporters Tuesday that she keeps herself on track with a weekly cheat day in which she allows herself to commit any crime she wants. “I’m pretty strict Sunday through Friday, but come Saturday I tell myself it’s okay to bend the rules a little and improperly dispose of hazardous substances or rob a liquor store,” said Garver, explaining that by setting aside one day a week during which she can evade tax regulations, cause thousands of dollars in property damage, or assault a stranger, she’s able to resist temptation the rest of the week. “Being able to pause from living within the law now and then definitely helps keep me on the right path. Sometimes I’ll make a big day out of it with my girlfriends and we’ll all go out and set a forest fire, and then lead police on a high-speed chase through a crowded residential neighborhood.” Garver said she will let herself off the leash entirely during an upcoming 10-day vacation, however, noting that she doesn’t know when she’ll ever be back to Europe and therefore plans to break whatever Italian laws she pleases.

 

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Her list of crimes is gonna look like Caesar Zepelli's when she gets back from vacation

Did somebody say weekly purge?

Oh, she can break Italian laws all she wants. Folks over here do it all the time. They're simply not very strictly enforced.

Republicans do the opposite — they go to church one day a week so they can cheat, lie, and discriminate the other six days.

A purse here a purse there no biggy

I don't break the law I just stretch it to fit

WEEKLY PURGE w00t new movie

Whoa you guys predicted the purge

hmmmmm

Huh?

The purge

what's one felony anyway

Felony Fridays!!! 🎉🎈🥳💃🪅 You worked hard all week, girl. You and the ladies have earned that home invasion ♥️♥️♥️

that's basicly the Purge

What’s the deal she smell like onions?

This is 100% white people thinking right there.

*holding fingers in pyramid while squinting eyes. 'Excellent.'

Hmm . . .

Yikes. Just wait til hubby finds out...

Nobody’s perfect.

Karen is so Donald.

Stick with that extra helping of apple pie.

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