Dear Abby: Grandma feels like she’s imposing during weekly visits

When I visit my three grandchildren on Fridays, my daughter-in-law never offers me any refreshment -- not even a glass of water or a cup of tea. She will eat in front of me and not offer me anything. I was taught that this is rude. Should I bring my own refreshment?

I already travel quite far to get to her house -- 45 minutes each way -- and I bring snacks for the grandchildren. I visit them because it’s easier for my daughter-in-law to have me over than to haul the 1-, 3- and 6-year-olds out to my house. I would love to be invited to stay for dinner, but it never happens ahead of time. If I come at 2 p.m., then around 5 p.m. I “may” be invited, but I feel it is out of obligation, so I don’t stay.

Talk this over with your son. If your visits are regarded as an imposition, perhaps you should take the grands for an outing rather than watch their mother eat.My son has a best friend, “Earl”, he has hung out with since they were 14. Earl considers me his second mother because his real mother deserted him after he graduated from high school. He has never married or had kids. I’m 76, and Earl is 55.

When he calls, I know I sometimes become long-winded. I’m sure Earl gets tired of me going on and on about my stuff. But instead of telling me he needs to go, he quietly hangs up on me. I think it’s extremely rude. I wish he would just TELL me he has to go -- I wouldn’t be upset about that. Earl never mentions it later, and we just go on as usual. I could tell him I’m never speaking to him again if he does it again, but I need him to help with those small tasks, so I don’t want to make him mad. Must I remain silent about it? What should I do?Tell Earl that when he hangs up on you it is extremely hurtful. Explain that you know you are sometimes long-winded, and if he needs to end the conversation, there are kinder ways of doing it.

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