Criminal Prosecuted To Fullest Extent Of Budget

📆 6/26/2019 12:43 AM
📰 TheOnion

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STOCKTON, CA—Concluding proceedings of a case that will now be sent to a jury it lacked the means to properly vet, San Joaquin District Attorney James Willett told reporters Monday that he believes his office prosecuted a suspected murderer to the fullest extent of its budget. “I can assure the public we used all of the very limited resources at our disposal to build this case,” said Willett, adding that his underpaid colleagues never rested as they attempted to make up for the recent layoffs of their legal assistants. “From day one we worked around the clock combing through whatever evidence had not been rendered inadmissible by the shoddy work of our overburdened, understaffed police force. Then we determined the maximum charges we could bring and settled on something lesser to ensure we got a conviction and avoided completely squandering our department’s meager funding.” Willett confirmed that he is confident the jury will put the suspect behind bars until whenever prison overcrowding forces the state to grant an early release.

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True that. expense eventually outweighs calculable cost of crime. Biggest cost is courthouse, lawyers, and employees. The jury gets like $20 a day to show up and do the patriotic duty everyone else is paid a salary for.

Since when is The Onion reporting real news.~

This man , Ross Giggins Of Clearwater Florida sued Hormel Foods claiming that ‘ Turkey Spam and all of its byproducts there within , and The Hormel co. Are negligent and liable causing the irreversible mental damage caused by elevated sodium levels not safe for human consumption

I knew this was an old/recycled article because it’s actually funny.

That is pretty much the actual case with Texas AG Ken Paxton.

I heard the jury convened for an hour because they got $7 for lunch at Arby’s the day before.

What do you mean he won't take a plea.

I'm more concerned when someone is only defended to the fullest extent of the budget

I'm more concerned when someone is only defended to the first extent of the budget

Okay we only have 3 minutes to present all evidence and the other stuff

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