“I am a successful dual-degree student who is smart like you are, capable like you are, kind like you are and feeling like you are. I just also live with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.”
Krista L.R. Cezair gives a speech to the Harvard Law School student body about how her journey with bipolar disorder.Being Depressed Is a Property ProblemI had been depressed for years—at least since high school and probably before, if my memory loss of that period is anything to go by.
In the throes of mania, I felt compelled and pressured to talk for hours on end to anyone who would listen. I also failed to sleep and would manage only an hour a night while maintaining super high levels of energy. Only a small handful of lawyers have disclosed their struggles with bipolar disorder publicly. That is because there are a number of structural barriers inherent in the profession that discourage law students and lawyers alike from seeking treatment for mental illnesses.
In the spring of 2018, I was so sick that I simply couldn’t consider my future performance on the bar exam. I desperately needed help. I had very little insight into my condition and had to be involuntarily hospitalized twice. I also had to make the decision of which law school to attend between trips to the psych ward while ragingly manic. I relied on my mother and a former professor who essentially told me I would be attending Harvard.
After getting out of the hospital, I started to improve, and I could tell the depression was lifting. Unfortunately, a rockier rock bottom lay ahead of me as I started to feel too good, and the depression lifted too high. Recovery is not linear, and it seemed I was manic again.