More Presidential Candidates Taking Strident Pro-Caviar Stance To Appeal To Democratic Socialite Wing Of Party

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WASHINGTON—Doubling down on new policy in an effort to cater to the most influential segment of their base, an increasing number of 2020 presidential contenders were pushing strongly pro-caviar positions Tuesday in an effort to appeal to the Democratic Socialite wing of the party. “Today, too many Americans are forced to choose between beluga caviar, steak tartare, and truffle-infused risotto cakes, when a full selection of amuses-bouche should be guaranteed to all,” said White House hopeful Kirsten Gillibrand, who like most candidates has pledged to fight aggressively for top-shelf canapés and aperitifs in an effort to court the jet-setting bon viveur faction of the Democratic electorate. “We live in the wealthiest country in the history of the world, and it’s outrageous that our richest cognacs or fullest-bodied Zinfandels still do not reflect that. We can’t make do with the same tired old cheese plates and bacon-wrapped dates Washington has offered us time and time again. We need bold, fresh tasting menus if we’re going to save our nation’s struggling galas.” Gillibrand has joined fellow candidates Beto O’Rourke, Cory Booker, and Kamala Harris in promising that, if elected, she would fight to remove unnecessary restrictions on top-shelf pours at the open bar.