A few weeks ago, Boris Johnson insisted in one of the Conservative leadership hustings that the chances of o deal were a million to one against. Smash cut to him assembling a “war cabinet” to step up no-deal Brexit plans and work round the clock under the assumption that no deal is definitely going to happen.
20 recipes for cooking with lamb
The one I proofread today said 'believe'
Leaving is leaving
AlunCairns was actually dressing this up as a win for BorisJohnson this morning,
1. How to cook dead rat 2. Roadkill for beginners 3. Make your own insulin 4. How to stop looters 5. Introduction to British holidays 6. How to become a fruit picker 7 Skills of old - The car worker 8. Do it yourself surgery 9. Living on sprouts
I don't give a shit
Hahaha very nice article.
Another waste of public funds. Just like the utter nonsense in the first leaflets from his pal David Cameron.
LONDON, Mon. 4th November 2019: The newly constituted, post-Brexit, Dept. of Hard Labour and Training are delighted to announce that positions are available immediately UK-wide for suitably qualified candidates to train as gong-pushers, glimmer-men and thatchers
LONDON, Mon. 4th November 2019: Debating proposals to re-introduce flogging for lower grades in the UK Navy Mr. Gove opined that “EU membership was a fetter by which we were tethered to restrictive EU employment regulations”.
LONDON, Fri. November 1st 2019: The new UK Dept of Measures today revealed the new post-Brexit metrics system. Commenting, Mr. Rees-Mogg said “It’s great to see the reappearance of old-favourites such as the cord, the bushel and the cubit”.
LONDON, Fri. November 1st 2019: The post-Brexit NHS procurement section today announced a tender process for leeches. “Leeches are great” said a spokesperson, “And when you’re done they make a tasty snack”
The London stock exchange report that the prices of flint, seaweed and roadkill have rocketed for a second day. Commenting (through fur-flecked lips) Mr. Johnson said “I blame the EU”
Despite the challenges posed by rationing, the UK government were today delighted to announce that through a reliable source they have secured future supplies of beluga caviar for the cabinet and their inner circle.
The UK government regret to announce the introduction of immediate rationing. They have sought to reassure citizens that this is temporary and that despite this measure every person will still be assured of one hot meal a day – a bowl of steam.
' What matter if the people end up on a siege diet of horseflesh, dogs, rats and tallow? At least we’d have closed our gates. ' via IrishTimesOpEd
Having been inundated with requests for enlightenment, Ofgem has issued clarification regarding the difference between tallow and beeswax candles. “Tallow is smokier” smouldered a spokeswoman.
Brace.. Brace.. Brace..!!!!!!!!!
One thing the UK press has not explained is why a no deal Brexit is so bad for Northern Ireland. Why would it require a hard border?
Gallows humour.
'On the bright side, we will soon hit parity with the euro, essentially finally joining to the currency by the back door, and it’s all thanks to Brexiteers.' Priceless! THANKS!
Hope the leaflet is going to be better informed than the kipper scare
'comedy writer'
Oh boy James, here come the 'I don't understand the concept of satire' brigade. Brace for impact.