Jeffrey Epstein Offers Court $32 Million Child Pornography Collection As Bail

📆 7/12/2019 9:29 PM
📰 TheOnion

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NEW YORK—In an attempt to strike a deal that would allow him to stay out of jail while he awaits trial, alleged sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein offered the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Manhattan a prospective bail package Friday that included a child pornography collection valued at $32 million. “In exchange for permission to stay at his residence on the Upper East Side, my client is presenting as collateral a truly incredible catalogue containing some of the finest child porn available anywhere on the market today,” said the convicted sex offender’s lead attorney, Reid Weingarten, adding that the one-of-a-kind collection of images and videos of underage children being sexually exploited was expertly curated and contained a great deal of rare, highly sought-after content. “We trust this will prove more than sufficient to secure his release on bail, considering any sophisticated collector of pedophilic items would jump at the chance to bid on Mr. Epstein’s materials at auction. Seriously, this is the high-end stuff—many of the subjects depicted are as young as 12, and they’ve been shot by some of the world’s most celebrated child pornographers, including the recently indicted R. Kelly.” At press time, sources confirmed Epstein had changed his mind and rescinded the offer after a period of soul-searching during which he realized he valued the illicit images far more than his personal freedom.

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Clinton knows all about Epstein. EpsteinClinton

He will disappear with a fake passport. Do not let Epstein post bail. sextrafficking Epstien

😡😤

Huh?

🤮

Yikes

Prosecutors In ManhattanDA office went on the record to clear this up. “We think it’s unfair to deprive Epstein of all his art so we only ask for half of his current collection”

Who established the value of the CP collection? keepingthemhonest esskeetit

The best Onion headlines are the ones you actually believe for a short second.

RealAlisonPoole Not funny

How many judges would take him up on that offer?

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Judge Roy Moore would make that deal.

Excuse ME !!!!!

gbranom106 We're not making the Onion's job too easy are we?

Yeah, like THAT'S gonna work. 😄

Lmao so hilariously wrong.

Why would anyone thinks this is funny?

Allen11Cynthia Does Trump get a % of the take?!

Well - to be honest, there's nothing funny about this issue.

allahpundit Jeffrey Epstein wants to be released on bail to his Manhattan Mansion b/c he says he's got some girls there waiting for him.

Deal

the best onion articles are the ones where half the comments are 'not funny'

Not funny

Satire that in all probability is true!!

Bail or bait

Damn 😆

The problem with your post is, that this headline isn’t a far stretch from the truth. It’s funny but It’s highly probable to actually come true. You gotta think crazier these days because fact has become stranger then fiction. Especially after the election of DJT.

In this F'd up world this headline could easily be true

Too far

Literally back to back in my feed. Surreal.

Now that is funny

BethLynch2020 Copyright violation. 100% sure you copied and pasted this from today's New York Times.

OMG! This is funny! My hubby says,'Is that real?' He doesn't keep up sometimes on satire.

Alex Jones is gonna report this is fact.

I hope someone thinks this is real and is outraged

BethLynch2020 omg im dead

Comin' in hot!

Too soon.

Take the porn but keep him in jail.

You people ain't right lol.

😂

😄😄

👏👏👏👏

Firing squad

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Jeffrey Epstein's lawyers propose up to $77 million bail package in child sex traffic caseThe filing came three days after Jeffrey Epstein was formally charged with two sex trafficking counts in U.S. District Court in Manhattan. He is a former friend of presidents Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. 'pocket change.'🙄🙄 Let him rot in prison and when he dies they can throw all that money is his grave
Source: CNBC - 🏆 12. / 72 Read more »

Jeffrey Epstein's attorneys propose home detention at his $77 million mansion ahead of bail hearingLawyers for Jeffrey Epstein proposed a bail package on Thursday that would allow the multimillionaire alleged sex trafficker to remain out of jail pending trial and live instead in home detention at his Upper East Side mansion, one of the largest residences in Manhattan and valued at $77 million, according to court documents. I'm sure that the NYSD prosecutors, all friends of Epstein's coconspirators, will seek to give Epstein all he wants. If you want to get a job at the DOJ or maybe the head guy in NYC, you do not want to piss off Bill, Hillary, Vance or the people on the top floor of 30 Rock. He is a huge flight risk...if he gets bail that is rigged by government to get him to safety I think he got this idea from watching Narcos on Netflix!
Source: cnnbrk - 🏆 393. / 55 Read more »