The Clinic Fortification and Physician Excellence Act calls for the construction of concrete barriers nearly two stories tall and 4 feet thick around all clinics offering abortion services, and for physicians working at these sites to scale such barricades unassisted, a landmark piece of legislation that supporters hailed as a victory for women’s health.
“This law is shamefully overdue,” Bryant added. “I’m sorry the women of Mississippi had to wait so long.” Authorization for the clinic walls reportedly sailed through the state legislature and was quickly signed by Gov. Bryant, despite failed amendments from a small group of Democrats that would have reduced the wall’s height and allowed doctors to use assistive devices such as ladders or grappling hooks. According to sources, only the planting of thick, thorny shrubbery along the base of both sides of the wall was removed from the final version of the legislation.
“These new requirements are a joke and are riddled with loopholes—I mean, there’s nothing stopping someone from taking a running start or using chalk to get a better handhold on the wall,” said Pro-Life Mississippi president Dana Chisholm, who characterized the walls as a watered-down version of a prior law passed in Arkansas that required doctors performing abortions to leap over a 20-foot-wide trench in a single attempt.
“There’s not even any spikes or broken glass at the top, let alone electrified razor wire—any old doctor can get up and over it in no time,” added Chisholm.
This is South American affirmative action at its best. Hiring foreign doctors who already have skills in climbing tall walls. Resumes to the top of the list.
cameron_kasky This is one way and with out any ladder.
Circumvent iceh17
Sweet, doctors can become shredded now.
You fools, you'll only make the doctors RIPPED!
Damn it Onion! Don't give them ideas!! Like seriously, almost seriously...
The attempted irony of those who believe their own patriotic bs
To everyone in the comments arguing, pls do it somewhere else. Let us normal people read our satire in peace.
And forced to carry the children of family members, Alabama leads the country in genetic supremacy.
G0ffThew Dude, don't give them ideas
New bill in Alabama state legislature if passed will force women to dress like they did in the pre civil war south.
Or have the lady that wants the abortion scale the wall with no tools to see if that helps her and if you make it over and still want the abortion well fuck i guess?
cameron_kasky This is also to close to reality.
The Onion doesn’t like it when society tries to stop the killing of black babies. Wonder which side they would have been on regarding slavery? “New Legislation Requires Task-Masters To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Plantation”
This bill brought to you by crossfit.
Should create a whole new market for Venezuelan refugee OB/GYN’s.
people who use the government to force their oppinions on other people are what's wrong with this world.
So walls do work?
Damn, shit's getting real in the next Trauma Center game.
SimpsonsQOTD
Y’all forgot the razor wire at the top.
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