Q: Who is representing Trump? A: Future disgraced members of Trump’s Cabinet. Q: How much money has Trump spent on his legal defense? A: Lawyers only cost money if you pay them. Q: How will Trump obtain the half-billion-dollar bond needed to avoid having his assets seized? A: More fraud. Q: Who heads his legal team? A: Whoever makes it through the day without getting fired. Q: Who will serve on the juries? A: The unluckiest people in the entire world.
Q: Wait, ‘court cases’? So there’s more than one? A: Okay, so you know very, very little about them—to the point where we’re kind of jealous. Q: Are any of these charges murder? A: No body, no crime. Q: What has Trump been charged with in Fulton County, Georgia? A: Talkin’ smart round these parts. Q: Why does Trump want presidential immunity? A: Unpaid parking tickets.