Women Explain How They’d Like To Have Their Bodies Restricted Next

  • 📰 TheOnion
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Since the fall of Roe vs. Wade, women’s reproductive rights, including the right to abortion, hormonal birth control, and in vitro fertilization, have been severely restricted across the United States. The Onion asked women how they’d like to have their bodies restricted next, and this is what they said.

Erika Gomez, Teacher “Maybe some sort of Bluetooth device the courts can use to control ovulation.” Amber Watts, Student “It couldn’t hurt to have at least one or two security guards at the entrance to my vagina.” Kate Chun, Web Developer “Sorry, that’s up for men to decide.” Florence Martin, Retired “Thinking can be quite taxing sometimes. I wouldn’t be opposed to mandatory lobotomies.

” Wendy Lewis, Spa Owner “State-mandated bikini waxing would be great for business.” Teri Knapp, Customer Service “It’s actually weird that some foot fetishist hasn’t legislated my ability to trim my toenails yet.” Gwen Yeats, Publicist “Dog cone.” Chita Jones, Vice Principal “We need to bring back menstruation ostracism. If you’re bleeding, get in the hut.” Samantha Planget, Teacher “I should have to wear really thick mittens at all times, lest I be too productive and take a man’s job.

 

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