I feel as though my family is an afterthought, and that I am occasionally kept within their lives merely as a resource for gifts and financial help if and when needed.
DEAR FEELING USED FINANCIALLY: We tend to think of boundaries as something we set for others. But we also must set boundaries for ourselves -- i.e., be cognizant of how much of ourselves we are truly comfortable giving. If the financial assistance and gifts are causing you resentment, it’s a sign you’re violating your own boundaries.
Know that you don’t need to shower them with gifts to be worthy of their time. You are enough. Toward that end, don’t give up on spending quality time with your son and his wife. Keep a dialogue open about potential visits. I felt he did it to me on purpose with the reasoning of “getting even” because I’d cheated on him years before. It was one time, and I felt pushed away and insecure at the time. Of course, cheating didn’t make me feel better; it made me feel worse.
Very sorry for that! (Most parents live in the same problem, today’s children see their parents as money machines).