If she wants to cook a special meal for her son, then embrace it. If you decide to eat a separate meal, then praise her efforts, tell her it looks delicious — but say, “Unfortunately, I don’t eat meat and potatoes, so I’m going to put together a little salad for myself. But I think it’s really sweet of you to do this, and I know your son is going to appreciate it.”
The way you present it, your choice to disclose this seems motivated mainly by the desire to retaliate against a parent who has not abided by their agreement. But retaliation does not balance the scales. It doubles down. Now that your stepchildren are older, they may have already discerned the truth. Certainly if they ask you directly about the timeline of their parents’ breakup, they should be told the truth. They should also be corrected if they present information that is factually incorrect: “Actually, it did not happen that way…”But the truth can be delivered without maligning the other parent.
They could greatly benefit from seeing a couples counselor who specializes in sex therapy, and who could coach them in a number of strategies to regain some physical intimacy .
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