—In the wake of a renewed string of nationwide attacks, the Orange County Sheriff’s Department
issued a statement Monday announcing they would no longer be responding to active shooter reports in an effort to deprive the killers of attention. “If you happen to be caught in the midst of a mass shooting, try not to react—that’s exactly what these shooters want,” said spokesperson Richard Miller, who was just one of dozens of police department representatives across the country to urge Americans to assist law enforcement by depriving shooters of the notoriety they crave. “Don’t run, don’t hide, and don’t call 911, because we’re not coming. Indulging this behavior is the last thing we want to do. Just avoid eye contact and try to go about your business, and he should tire out on his own eventually.
I think Jan6 taught us one thing
The news report photo they choose if they’re white:
That alone could tell you the skin color of the shooter.
There's so many, most Americans just ignore them anyway. It's a good call.
Isn't that how their children turned into mass shooters in the first place?
Funny. But if someone does that for attention, its cause society failed them. So idk if you should be laughing.
If you're shot then pretend nothing happened. Don't give them the satisfaction.
:( The one with the agenda won.
Who remembers when The Onion was funny? Now it's just a circle jerling spot for the Dem cultists.
Just ignore them and they'll stop.
Look for signs your neighbor is fostering a mass shooter. Keep a diary. The news media will want a copy.
In today’s society that would probably work even if this is supposed to be a joke
Damn…
Police passing up an opportunity to legally shoot someone to death? Yep, this is definitely satire.
The NRA has been doing that for years
sheriff: “lets hear him out before jumping to conclusions about why the white boy gone on a shooting spree”
Won't work. You gotta sit the shooter down, look them in the eye and say 'No.'
Ah that’s what they’ve been doing with burglaries for years. Take that, guy who has our stuff, I don’t even know your name!
You don't miss!
Can't wait for this shitpost to turn into pre-reported news. Satire has gotten really difficult in this world.
Start killing them. Stop capturing and wasting taxpayer money.
Well, good luck ignoring a crazy person that you just sold a high powered weapon to. 👍
That might just work.
Wait. That's not satire. That's a good idea. Even New Zealand has some sort of law preventing suicide reporting to deter copycats.
Luckily, with Trump gone The Onion still has cops behaving badly to fall back on to satirize 😜🤪
Don't hide LOL.
I’m sorry, I’ve been following for a while now and I have a question: Is The Onion ever actually funny?
I guess ignoring is better than saying that the killer was just having a bad day!!
Police understand what's like to have a bad day and shoot unarmed people.
'but doctor,' the cop replied, 'i am pagliacci'
According to Texas Senator, Terry Meza, you should allow the gunmen to shoot anything they want in an effort to redistribute bullets to those that are in need of bullets.
'For the safety of our officers we're waiting outside and letting the children soak up the bullets.'
The irony is that this might be a better way than what we do now.
If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it- did it really fall?
Welcome to how to deal with internet trolls and gun violence 101...
'It's a white guy and we've try abolutely nothing'
lol they might get those book deals
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